Director Blames ELO For Movie Tanking

The director of a depressing movie blames the ELO soundtrack for the movie tanking at the box office.
"When you hear an ELO song over the previews, it means that the movie is quirky, funny, and kind of hip," said the director, Sam Rootbeer. "Why they chose to promote my movie with an ELO song, I'll never know," added Rootbeer.
His film called "A Long, Slow, Painful Death" was a four hour epic detailing the final days of a dying man as his body and mind whither away and ultimately breakdown after four long hours.
Critics called the movie, "Mind Numbingly Boring," "Incredibly Stupid," "Ill-conceived," "Utter Crap," "A Complete Waste of Time," and "Sleep Inducing." The critic from the New York Times said, "This movie was so bad it made me want to kill myself." It got -1 stars from the Boston Globe, and Two Big Toes down from the guys who replaced Siskel and Ebert. Reportedly, one person did actually commit suicide while watching the film, hung himself in the theater, although that's unconfirmed.
But the director thinks people's opinions of the movie were swayed by the soundtrack. "People go to movies based on the songs that play during the commercials. The song tells them what kind of movie it is."
The ad for the film featured the ELO song, Mr. Blue Sky, playing over scenes of the old man sitting in a hospital bed with tubes out of his nose and mouth turning blue. Film-goer Jefferson Jeffries called it misleading. "I saw the ad, and yeah, it didn't make much sense, seeing the old guy dying in the bed, but hey, it was ELO, so I thought that they just weren't showing the quirky parts in the ad. What a gip. That movie was NOT quirky."
The director said his movie attracted the wrong type of people because of ELO. "Everyone knows that when you hear an ELO song, quirky will follow. Well, my movie, 'A Long Slow Painful Death,' is not quirky," he said. "It's serious. It's about dying and a four hour movie about an old person dying is not for everyone." The crazy director called it Neo-Escapism, for people who want to escape all their problems, you know, by watching a movie about what he called the ultimate escape, death.
Turns out, not one person in the world liked the movie, ELO or no ELO. Talk about escapism, all they wanted to do was escape the theater as fast as possible. It was voted the worst movie of all-time by the Hollywood Foreign Press.
That's today's fake news.